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BitterSweet Part 4 ✿ =]

8 Sep

Tracy sat staring out the window. Just looking as the sun shone so strong. But the ducks in the pond didn’t seem to mind it. They just kept swimming and swimming and splattering water all over. The kids under the shady tree were playing happily too.. Although sometimes they’ll complain about how hot it was and the bugs around them. She glanced over to the other side and found two old couples. Strong and healthy. Lovey dovey.

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Tracy wanted to cherish every second of her life. Too many things come and go. Not knowing it. Not realizing it. There was once a guy that liked Tracy very much. He was really cute, helpful and funny. Tracy enjoyed his presence a lot. She loved his company but she didn’t fall for him. He knew that but he held on still. Until one day, Tracy found out that she was starting to like him. She tried to deny it. But she knew it was real. The guy and Tracy for no reason had a little misunderstanding. They weren’t talking anymore. Sometimes Tracy even thought to herself “how did it happen?”

well, it just did. Although she still liked him after that, and misses him a lot, the guy seem to not pay any attention to Tracy anymore. It was even said that he was dating some other girl. But Tracy left that town as soon as it happened. She thought she could get everything out of her mind. Little did she know that now, she still wants to laugh and smile with that so called old friend. You never know until you’ve lost it. And yes, Tracy learnt this right at the point where she found out that she was too late.

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Tracy’s heart sank once again after reminding herself about the brain tumor thing. Jun and Yue weren’t very important for her this moment. Tracy knelt on the ground. Closed her eyes and said a quiet prayer. Sincerely. She asked God to do his will and not by others. The doctor said it was a slim chance for her to get well. And by getting well, it means she will still be able to live but maybe she’ll have a mind of a 3 year old.. After Amen, she ran downstairs, tears rolling down her cheeks. She ran into the arms of her mother. And hugged her mom very tightly. She never did this spontaneously before. Tracy was the more cool type. Maybe a little ego but it was pretty minor. She had to say her feelings to her mom cuz she only had weeks to spare. So this was what she said :

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” Mom, i dont want to be too late again. I know i’ve never said I Love You before. And when you hug me, it always seemed awkward. Honestly mom, you’ve scolded me in a way that it was so hurting before. You said i was useless. You said i an a worthless daughter. You said there was no point for you bringing me to this world. Mom, i was terribly hurt. Sometimes i wanted to just run out from the house. But there was no where i could go to. Sometimes i get so angry and hurt until i’ll think you’re a useless mom too. You’ve scolded me once before, saying i don’t change for the good. But mom, don’t you know how hard i’ve tried? Whatever i did, i tried to please you. But i fail in your eyes. I didn’t want to let you know how i feel maybe because of my ego. Mom, you may think i hate you now. You were once sick and you fought with dad. I listened to your every complaints about him. i was beside you all day long. I supported in your every decision. But for a second, we had a misunderstanding. You said I didn’t care about you at all. Only the others did. You said i didn’t have a heart. But there was once, someone asked me, what’s the most important thing in your life? I said it was you. I gathered all my courage to make it up to you, but once i saw you, you started to nag at me. And said i was useless. These three words broke my heart into a million pieces. But all these broken pieces can me mend back into shape. Only the warmth from deep inside it is lost. Mom, i love you and you mean a lot to me. “

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Tracy’s mother cried. She didn’t know she caused so much pain to Tracy cuz Tracy always held a poker face. She thought Tracy was strong. Everyone thought so. But no, it was indeed a mask that she was wearing all the time. Pokerface.

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After all that drama, Tracy stood up and washed her face. She wanted to go to Jun’s house to tell him the reason why she lied. She was feeling pretty okay when she was on her way to Jun’s. She wanted to make everything clear before her time comes. A thousand feelings came to her mind. But she ignored them completely.

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Tracy knocked on the door and waited patiently. Jun opened the door and was a little shocked seeing it was Tracy. He invited her in reluctantly and she started babbling all the way through. She was sorry but she did tell him what was Yue thinking etc etc. But after a full 15 minutes of non-stop honestly, Jun shuts Tracy up. He said “okay. Thanks for telling me this. But enough! Yue told me you liked me. And is that the reason why you lied? You wanted to be selfish etc etc? And now you’re saying Yue is a total lier? Hello??! Are you sure she lied? How can i trust you? i trusted you before. I thought you were a good friend.”

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Tracy knew that there was no point of explaining further. ” I’m not feeling well. But i’m sure i’m telling the truth. Good- day”

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Tracy stepped out of the door. Not feeling anything. She was proud of herself. Although being “ripped off” by someone she likes, she felt her duty was done. She did her part. And now it’s his.

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Few days later, Jun somehow came to know the truth. Said apology, apology accepted, yadda yadda ( yes, i’m being quite lazy now..HAHA) Tracy and Jun became a tinge better. Just a tinge.. and soon, they became good friends again. It took them 3 weeks to get back their friendship. But at least they did in the end..

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As the day goes by, Tracy’s tumor was getting more and more severe. No one else but the family knew. Not even Jun. Tracy “disappeared” from that town after 4 weeks since the tumor news. She was living in a hospital in a city. The hospital was bigger and more efficient in a way? That was where she stayed. Left without a word.

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till then,

dilys

BitterSweet Part 3 ✿ =]

27 Aug

it felt like a spear piercing through his heart. So harsh, so deep, so violent. Indeed, it was hurtful. But he still held a bittersweet smile. Sweet outside but so bitter inside. Tracy was biting her lips. Feeling guilty after she lied. Both of them were looking on the ground. Jun felt terrible. Tracy was afraid of what will Jun’s reaction be if he found out that she lied. There were total silence. Tracy could hear Jun’s every breath. Inhale, exhale. Then, they left without a word.

It was night already. Guilt was haunting Tracy like crazy. But she thought to herself, “it’s all for his own good. This is what and how it should be.” Few minutes later, Jun texted Tracy. Tracy trembled when she saw it was Jun. Her heart stopped pumping for a second. But she still got back up and read the text.

” Thank You for telling me the truth really appreciate it”

Tracy stared at the message for a few moments. No smiley. No full-stop. Tracy didn’t feel his sincerity. It felt like there was still something he wanted to say but he didn’t finish saying it. It was a text of gratefulness but Tracy felt a harsh approach from Jun’s words. However, a gust of guilt wind swept by the room. Tracy thought to herself  “I’m not telling the truth. Sorry” She couldn’t smile. However, she still texted back, saying it’s okay. She burried her face in the pillow and forced herself to sleep. No more thinking.

Tracy was day-dreaming in class. She realized she broke her vow. But it was all worth it she thought. Suddenly, a flash back appeared in Tracy’s mind.

As she was walking to the computer lab on the 3rd floor, she heard girls gossiping upstairs. After a few seconds, she stepped back and recognized that it was Yue’s voice. She was talking to her girlfriends.

Yue : Hey! you know what? Last night, Jun, the guy in our class, he told me he liked me. OMG

Ceci : OMG! I knew it! look at him! it’s so obvious. He stares at you like ALL-DAY-LONG. who wouldn’t know that?!

Yue : I chose not to believe it at first.. haha~!

Leslie : SO! how he said it? What did you reply?

Yue : well, you know, the usuals, he just said it in a really cute way i guess? HAHA!

*they giggled*

Yue : anyway, i agreed to date him

Ceci : WHAT?! what about Marcus?

Leslie : girl..girl.. play time begins..

*they laughed*

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Tracy didn’t think much of this when it happened. But after this flashback, things start bumping into her head. Marcus was Yue’s current boyfriend. But only a few people knew that. Tracy leaned on her back by the wall. Thoughts start rushing into her mind. “So that explains why Yue was able to answer me so quickly, saying Jun was so cute and so on.. Jun already told her his feelings! That has also explained why Jun was so shocked when i lied to him. Oh crap! Don’t tell me he knows i lied! Is that why he has been so cold with me lately?! Then that text…..was is suppose to be sarcastic?!”

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Tracy sank down to the ground. She didn’t know how to face Jun after knowing that. She was so frustrated. She could hardly breathe. She felt her mind burning! It was dizzy. She couldn’t think. She gathered up her strength to walk to the toilet. Her vision was blurry. She was the only one there. She couldn’t hold it any longer. Her body felt weak and she collapsed.

When Tracy opened her eyes, she found herself in a cold white room. She was laying on a not-like-home bed. Her family members were all beside her. And there was the word “written” on all their faces. worried. Tracy called out “Ma..” as she rubbed her eyes. Her mom rushed towards her after knowing she’s awake. Tracy’s mom hugged her so tightly. Tracy was confused. “I just fainted no? Did i die or something?” She thought to herself. “Mom, why are you crying?”

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Tracy’s mom held a bittersweet smile. The same bittersweet smile. “Mom, what’s going on?” Tracy was starting to be impatient. She’s getting worried also. Tracy’s mom stood up, wiped her tears and looked at the family. All of them nodded to her.

“Tracy, we’ll be calling the doctor in to explain why you fainted. Remember, whatever it is, mama will still be with you. So don’t you worry.”

“What’s she talking about? Am i getting cancer? COME ON! tell me what it is!!” Tracy thought to herself again. Tracy has officially “written” WORRIED on her face.

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The doctor stepped into the room and gave Tracy a weak smile.

“Tracy, you been fainting quite often lately, am i right?” Tracy nodded. “You have gradual loss of movement and sensation?” She nodded again. Each time being more and more impatient. “You suffer headaches and sleepless night lately, haven’t you? Tracy shouted “YES YES YES! DOCTOR!! I BEG YOU! what’s going on??? is there something wrong with me?! She was already crying by then.

The doctor looked serious as he told Tracy the truth. Tracy couldn’t believe her ears and she wept.

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“Tracy, i’m afraid you’re suffering from brain tumor”

it’s a lil’ short huh? SORRY! =/

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till then,

dilys ★

BitterSweet Part 2 ✿

24 Jul

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He spoke. She gasps.

“Tracy, I’m really glad that you’ve agreed to help me. And,  I’ve been soooo frustrated lately.”

“What are you so frustrated about? Is it studies?”

“Well erm..you know, hmmm, i’ve always wanted to tell you this. Ever since i knew you were understanding, patient, and stuff like that. Well, that’s also the reason why i chose you.”

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Tracy kept quiet. Wondering what is Jun trying to tell her. She thought to herself : “I CHOSE YOU. what is this? don’t tell me he likes me?” She was a tinge happy but really confused at the same time. But, she got her answer just a few seconds later.

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” To be straight forward.. i think i have feelings for..for…gosh i’m nervous! No one knows it! Not even my bestfriend. Please don’t freak out or reject me when you find out, okay? and i feel like i’m acting like a girl now”

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OH CRAP! Does he really like me? “please don’t freak out or reject me” this sentence, OMG! she still kept calm and cooly answered him, okay.

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” I like Yue.” Tracy stunned. “I need you to help me get her to notice me.”

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Tracy felt horrible at that moment. She felt sooo stupid. She felt like she wanted to leave the library instantly. She felt that Jun cheated her feelings. But then, she thought again, no, he didn’t. She just thought too much.

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Just like how Tracy’s character is, she got back ontrack. Although she felt like poking her heart with a spear so deeply, she had to hold on. Moreover, she already vowed to herself that she’ll help Jun.

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From that day on, Jun and Tracy became closer.

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“Trace!  Trace! TRACE!! She’s here! Man.. i’m so nervous. This sucks! I’m a guy and i’m acting like that. Erm… please help me to ask her kay? Kay, CIAO!” Jun hurriedly rush back to a seat when he saw Yue approaching the class.

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Yue came into class. Ever so graceful and beautiful. Sometimes Tracy wished so much to be like her. But then Tracy doesn’t want to be a faker. A principal that she’s been holding on to.

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“Hey Yue! Here! Here’s an empty seat. Erm, Jun took your seat. He says it’s cooler there. HAHA! “ Tracy said and laughed. Yue was friendly. She didn’t mind Jun sitting at her place. She just sat down beside Tracy and smiled. Jun gave Tracy an eye contact and thumbs up. Something like ‘hey! the games begin’

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“so….erm, you mind him sitting there?”

“er.. no i guess? He’s fine..”

“so he’s not annoying to you? Many guys these days are like MAD ANNOYING!”

” i think Jun’s okay. He’s sorta cute in a way i guess? HAHA~! He knows how to be goofy at the right time. So that’s really cool..” she giggled.

“wow! that’s erm….suprising? i thought you’ve always been ignoring him or something” Tracy didn’t feel good.

“NO WAY! the only guy that’s annoying is Loy.” she said this while pointing to the guy on her left.

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They giggled! Just then, the teacher came to class. The class quiet down and started learning. Tracy wasn’t paying any attention. She just thought of everything that Yue had said. That short conversation said soo much. Tracy now knows that Jun isn’t annoying to Yue. Yue even think he’s cute. Tracy’s heart started pumping. She’s afraid that when Jun knows the truth, and when Jun is with Yue, Tracy will be neglected. Yue has a possibility of liking Jun. This makes Tracy scared. She doesn’t want to loose Jun even though they’re just friends. Most importantly, all these time being with Jun, she hopes that they can be considered as friends. She doesn’t want to feel that Jun is just using her.

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Recess Time

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“so Trace! What’d she say?” Jun nervously asked while rubbing his palms together.

Tracy the answered

” Jun, she said she doesn’t know you!”

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till then,

dilys ★

BitterSweet Part 1 =] ✿

10 Jul

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Introduction : BitterSweet will be like a so-called novel that i’ll be writing everyweek. =] but i’ll be splitting it into parts so itx sorta like those taiwanese/korean drama’s.. but instead of watching it, you’ll be reading it.. =]

this story will also be dedicated to Amanda. =] some personal reasons la.. hehe.. but..yea.

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* purely written by dilys. DO NOT COPY UNLESS U ARE WILLING TO CREDIT ME! i dont like copy-caters and in the end say that it’s his/her work. i don’t like Dawn Yang’s pattern so pls… sorry.

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Main Characters introduction

Tracy

she’s fair, long black hair and wears a nerd-ish specs.. she’s not a real nerd la..but she just likes to look smart.. Her character wise : funny if you get to know her..shy if you don’t know her..

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Jun

He was tall, sexy tan~ , and had a really smoking hot body! He’s not only smart, but also really good in sports! sorta like a perfect guy. however, his not-so-good-point is he’s blind. not as in blind,blind.. but like emotionally blind?? hehe

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BitterSweet Part 1

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“KKRRIIIIINNG!!!” the school bell rings.. It’s recess. Tracy sat there quietly looking at him as he clears his table, ready to head-off to canteen. Every time when he catches her looking, she’ll turn away quickly and reads her book. Sometimes she blushes and act as if nothing had happen. Tracy doesn’t go to the canteen. She says it’s a lil’ too noisy and crowded. She prefers to just stay in class, read her book, and enjoy peace and quiet. She chit-chats with her friends also if they were around..

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As Jun went out of the classroom, Tracy thought to herself with a sigh.

” Oh boy! when can he notice me?”

In class, she tries her very best to get close with him. But, the only thing in Jun‘s mind was Yue. Another pretty girl in school. Guys were all gaga over her. She was fair with long dark hair too! But she was just a tinge more out-going. This made people notice her. Every time when Tracy looks at Jun, she smiles. But if she looks more than 3 seconds, she’ll notice that Jun‘s eyes are always fixed on Yue. They weren’t dating or anything.. Jun just likes Yue. Unfortunately, he dare not confront Yue.

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Tracy has always been a so-called counselor in school. Many people will seek her advice on things cuz she reads a lot and has a good amount of knowledge/counseling skills. However, she’ll still struggling with herself. Her own emotions.

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One day, as Tracy was hoping sooooo much that Jun will notice her, Jun actually texted her! She was THRILLED! The text went on like that :

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“Hey Trace! I know you counsel people right? In fact, you sometimes work with the counselors in school eh? =]”

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she smiled. He even called her Trace! He knew that she counsels people! He even noticed her! He gave her a smiley too! These were all running across Tracy‘s mind. Tracy was uber happy! But this wasn’t the end. As she read on :

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“..anyway, i’ve got a BIG PROBLEM and i need your help. Please, tomorrow after school, meet at the library, okay?”

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SHE.WAS.ON.CLOUD.NINE.

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Playing hard to get, Tracy waited for a few minutes and just replied okay, with a smiley. Acting cold, but added a smiley just to warm-up the message a lil’. She doesn’t want Jun to think that she’s a cold, unfriendly geek! Plus, she believes that girls shouldn’t be easy and cheap. (which is soooo true)

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Next day, She dressed neatly. Went to school. Her mind was just thinking of how Jun would talk to her. Her mind was filled with Jun. Naively, she was hoping that Jun actually wanted to date her. She sometimes giggled when this crosses her mind. Her friends will just give her a glare. A glare that says ” are u insane?” Tracy‘s friends doesn’t know what she’s going through. She likes her profile to be down low. So yea..

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The bell rings. YAY! in her heart. The moment she was waiting for has finally arrived. She fixed her skirt, packed her bags and head-off to the library. Her heart was pumping hard. She didn’t know what will happen. She didn’t know what he’ll say. Sometimes, she even wants to cancel this co-called “date” cuz she’s scared she’ll say something/do something stupid and embarrassing. She felt like turning away. But as her foot stepped into the library, her head held up from the ground, she sees Jun. He was already sitting there at the corner near the shelves. Looking all frustrated. Tracys heart sank. He really looked like he needed some help ASAP. Cuz of this, she vowed to herself, whatever he’s going through, she’ll help him. Help to the very end of it. She also hope through this, sparks may occur..

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Tracy sat down opposite Jun. Jun was really happy seeing Tracy. His eyes were filled with hope. Tracy was ALL-READY to help. She thought, maybe this would be the best help after all! She took a deep breath, still shy to look into Jun‘s eyes, mustered up her courage, hoping for no embarrassment, she asked Jun what was the matter, with a wide smile and a curious heart. Just like how she practiced the last night. PHHHEEEWW! Thank God she was able to spill out a good sentence.

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After a few seconds. Jun finally spoke. She gasps.

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to be continued…. =]

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guys!! stay tuned for part 2 and more to come!!

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till then,

dilys★